


Movie Marathons and Snark, an experience brought to you by John Egbert and Karkat Vantas.

by Onceyourempire



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Another fic in which John and KK watch movies, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-18
Updated: 2011-08-18
Packaged: 2017-10-22 19:24:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/241667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onceyourempire/pseuds/Onceyourempire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is convinced of two things in this world; One, that Nick Cage is an acting god, and two, that Karkat doesn't like human movies because he hasn't seen National Treasure yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Movie Marathons and Snark, an experience brought to you by John Egbert and Karkat Vantas.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Kyuu's birthday! I also wrote it late at night the day I watched part of National Treasure with my friend. I love those movies. They are the best movies in the whole world and I will fight over them. Also, Riley is a prince.

If there was one thing John Egbert was willing to get in a fight about, it was Nick Cage movies. Now, he did have an unfair bias towards Con Air and City of Angels, but any Nick Cage movie was worth scrapping for. So, when he and Karkat were watching the first National Treasure movie, it is understandable that he got a little upset.

“This movie makes no sense. First there’s this kid in some dusty room and now there’s some freaks throwing treasure around? Is this what the whole movie is like? Just pure nonsensical shit?”

“Hold on! Nick Cage hasn’t come on yet! It gets better!” The idea of having to quit the movie before Nick Cage came on may or may not have been the reason why John squeaked at the end of ‘better’.

“I doubt that but since you’ll probably throw a fit if I leave I guess I have no choice.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Karkat just grimaced at him and turned back to the screen. Satisfied that he would at least get one full Nick Cage movie, John settled down on the strange couch that had been created for movie-viewing purposes when he and the other kids had arrived. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing, since the trolls only had a loose grasp on the idea of ‘comfort’, but that didn’t matter. Nick’s voice filtered through the speakers and John sat forward, mouthing along with his every line. He even threw in Riley and Ian’s lines for good measure, though he allowed himself to slip up on those lines. When Karkat nudged him and gave him a look that clearly asked why the fuck he was making shapes with his mouth without speaking, John grinned and began to deliver the lines to him out loud. That got him a pair of furrowed brows and a hard shove to his shoulder, but John just laughed it off and glued his eyes to the screen again. Nothing could ruin his mood now, unless Karkat began to question Nick’s acting ability.

“That’s a ship. They are digging for a ship.”

“Yep!”

“Why would you ever DIG IN THE ICE FOR A FUCKING SHIP.”

“Because the clue for the treasure is in there!”

“Why is this treasure so important, anyway? I mean, really, to have a whole bunch of these guys all go looking for it, it must be huge. Otherwise they could never split it up.”

“Well, they don’t intend to split it up!” John paused to think harder about his answer. “ Well, Ian just wants to sell it, but Ben and Riley are going to give it to a museum or something.”

“So they’re hunting for treasure...to give it away.”

“Yeah, I guess so!”

“That’s it, humans are the stupidest species to have ever existed. How did we create such stupid beings? That’s so pointless! They could just not go dig in the freezing cold because it’s not like they’re going to have treasure anyway!”

“They’re doing it for the adventure!”

“You are not helping prove the intelligence of your species.”

That was the gist of every conversation to happen in the next hour and a half. Karkat questioned the motives of the characters or the history, then John would explain. Karkat would then comment on the massive stupidity of the human race and the movie and John would attempt to defend them both at the same time. Karkat would make one last disparaging remark then fall silent.

Rinse and repeat until the credits roll.

Despite the constant complaining and snark of Karkat, John ended up feeling quite pleased with himself. He had not only enjoyed a great film but he had also gotten Karkat to sit down for one whole movie. All in all, a success. He looked at Karkat, leaning his head on the back of the couch.

“So?”

“So what?”

“What’d you think?”

Karkat flopped his head back onto the couch and then turned it towards John, a mirror of John’s own position. He frowned.

“It was confusing and strange and the red romance was too uncomplicated and the best friend was a freak.”

“Hey, I like Riley!”

“But-” Karkat continued to speak over his protest, “-it was an interesting look at humans, I guess. The movie sucked but once I got your weird fucked up history, it made me understand you more.”

John chewed on that sentence for a while before carefully preparing his own sentence.  
“So you...liked the history?”

“I didn’t say that. I just understand you more because of it.” Karkat’s brows furrowed again and he sat up. He crossed his legs criss-cross apple sauce and looked down, rubbing the fabric his pant leg between two fingers.

John watched his friend in silence. He felt a little proud, though the reason was almost beyond his understanding. Maybe it was because Karkat was trying to understand? Maybe it was because he wasn’t ripping every single aspect of the movie apart like he normally did? It was a mystery but it did make him feel happy either way.

“...Do you want to watch the second one? The romance gets more complicated and there’s more history.”

Karkat looked up at him and just stared. John sat up and rubbed his nose, feeling uncomfortable under Karkat’s blank gaze. Maybe suggesting the next movie was a bad id-

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. At least it’s something to do. But this one better be not total crap like the last one.” With that, Karkat sat back and crossed his arms, turning his gaze towards the TV. John beamed and jumped up to change movies.

“Don’t worry, this one is great! Nick Cage is even better and they break into the President’s Office-” He continued to ramble on as he walked back to the couch and plopped down. His shoulder brushed up against Karkat’s and their hands smacked together. The other boy squawked at him and slapped his hand away, pulling his knees up to his chest and huffing. John flapped his hands awkwardly and apologized, but stopped and was pulled away by the opening credits of National Treasure 2.

It wasn’t until half-way through the movie that he realized that their shoulders were still touching and Karkat hadn’t moved an inch. The smile that had been present since the beginning of the movie grew a little bigger before John responded to Karkat’s most recent question.

Maybe Karkat would watch these movies with him again tomorrow. It was worth asking, anyway.


End file.
